Craptacular day

I had a crappy day.

My cat appears to have a hernia that will need surgical repair. I just need to spend money I don't have to get a diagnosis so that the humane society will repair the hernia caused by the spay.

My child has decided to skip school all this week, on top of the multiple days missed each week for the last few weeks. When I try to talk to her about the consequences that she is looking at, I get informed that we aren't supposed to do family counseling any longer since I will not acknowledge her ultimatum style demands. She will be working on coming to terms with and accepting the loss of her mother and her love in her individual therapy.

I cried and yelled maybe even screamed out of frustration during family therapy today. I admitted I am afraid of my daughter and that I have not taken the time to process the feelings I have from being attacked by my daughter.

My mom cried during family therapy today. She knew that it would upset me to hear that we are ending family therapy. My mom has not known how to approach this with me. Since she was unable to confirm this information with the therapist that supposedly said this, she had hoped to not address it this week.

My daughter shed a tear and left therapy after informing everyone that she only got in trouble for interfering with a 911 call because her story was real, the bruises she had matched her story and she didn't attack me or choke me and implied I lied to send her to jail.

I am a bit overwhelmed by my feelings about all this. I have not been taking care of myself as I should be. I keep putting other people and things in front of dealing with the hurt, anger, frustration, betrayal, surprise, and anguish about my daughter trying to strangle me over the loss of Internet/Facebook contact.

My mom said she had told my siblings to be a safe place to talk/be, if not I would just go back to Mage since he was willing to play the game, at least for a little while, of agreeing with my side no matter what. She was right. I didn't have anyone else to talk to about my day of crap and I had to talk about something unrelated and I ended up spilling everything about the day. I regretted it just after I finished. I realized, again, that I just provide Mage with ammunition to hurt the children and myself with. I promise myself I won't share like that in the future and I end up breaking the promise because I am pretty isolated and alone.

So the craptacular day had its high in the middle hours.  Morning was crap, seemed to be getting better, then slam I got nothing to show for the good time however brief it was to begin with.